what if you don't want to "always be productive"?

And why is there so much guilt attached to feeling uncomfortable with massive productivity?

Something's been in the air for quite a while. People suffering from extreme exhaustion, burnout, and lethargy. Trying to cross all the t's and dot all the i's and running on a hamster wheel that we didn't ask to be on. Late-stage capitalism and living a modern life in the 2020's has many a person feeling just, well... tired.

Knackered.

We are collectively tired of living that ABP life.

Always. Be. Productive.

But seriously, what if we're tired?

I remember when I was a new mother, sleep deprived in that newborn phase where all the days are blurred, and you seriously cannot remember the last time you washed your hair. I recall hearing two sets of advice; one being to sleep when the baby sleeps and just let the house fall apart around you. The other was to get as many tasks done as possible while the baby sleeps, because this is the only time you'll have to load the dishwasher and sweep the floor. You can't let your house fall apart, can you? Don't sleep and nap! Get some coffee in your system and BE PRODUCTIVE!

That's when the guilt started, it seems. The guilt of feeling terrible and that you must be a terrible person for wanting to rest.

It never goes away, that feeling.

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Whether you are a parent or not, this push to do more, more, more creeps up in many facets of life. Always be moving, don't just sit there, get things done. Check off as many tasks as possible. Work as hard as you can. More. More. More.

Well, I don't want that ABP life. I also do not want the guilt that comes with opting out.

I need more pockets of breathing room in my life. Sometimes that looks like a 10-minute meditation before bed instead of sweeping the kitchen floor. Sometimes that means taking a 20-minute walk and getting some fresh air and knowing that the laundry will get folded eventually.

Instead of being productive for productive sake, it is about finding balance, finding that ebb and flow of life. Some days, the tasks are many, but that's okay because I know that every day is not like that. I like the feeling of accomplishment of checking items off my to-do list as much as the next person, but the list can't be my end all, be all. I can't become beholden to it; it does not rule my life.

But I say all this knowing that I am not immune to the siren call of productivity. There have been many a morning that I have awoken, ready to tackle the day, ready to do all the things, because they NEED TO BE DONE, and have hit a mid-afternoon slump that no amount of caffeine can save me from. And when this happens, I always have the same question: 'Was it necessary to cram in so many tasks in such a short amount of time?' And the same answer always presents itself: 'No, it was not'.

I know that I am not alone in feeling pushed to do more when our exasperated bodies are saying 'What more can I do?'

I do not pretend to have life mapped out or have a handy solutions guide to this problem of production that we collectively sometimes wrestle with. But what I do know is that the beginning of understanding a problem is to consciously be aware of it.

And right now, I am aware.

I think the biggest thing for me, is to recognize the immediacy of a task. Does the task necessitate my attention this minute or even today? Are these tasks required or is it something I would like to accomplish? (The line can easily get blurred on that one). Am I substituting productivity for another reason or emotion instead of dealing with what is really at hand?

These are the questions I now ask myself when the busy bumblebee of productivity starts buzzing in my ear. How about you? How do you handle "the need to always be productive?" Or conversely, do you have any thoughts/tips about how you've overcome the need to be busy? Please share in the comments!

🌺 Joining in with

Claire Venus

and the Sparkle on Substack 24 Essays Club 🌺