"fomo" and i are breaking up

missing out is what i need.

The acronym "FOMO" stands for fear of missing out. Missing out on what exactly, well that's different for each individual person. Some people have FOMO when they see their friends share vacation pics on Instagram, of living it up in far-flung places and wish they too, could swim in deep blue seas. Others experience FOMO when they see others driving expensive cars, buying homes, starting families, getting into shape, etc... These are the examples that typically come to mind when we think about missing out on something.

And subconsciously we have all dealt with our own fears of not having what we want or feeling that "me too! I want that!" sort of feeling. After all, we are only human.

But the FOMO I want to address here and the one that is affecting me personally is the relationship between me and my phone and the feeling I get when I think I am missing out on something that I need to know about or feel I should know about, or hey, maybe I'd be interested in knowing about.

I am talking about phone notifications.

I can't. I just can't do it anymore.

I am tired of the pings and the dings and the rectangles of bite-sized info constantly battering me throughout my day. To shovel onto the pile, I also have an Apple watch (which I use mainly for exercise purposes) and so the pinging and dinging not only happens on my phone, but it also happens on my watch. Sure, I could go analog and wear a normal watch (which I am leaning more towards by the way), but it still wouldn't solve the problem of the phone and its need to remind me that I NEED TO BE NOTIFIED.

Last year, I had this feeling regarding my emails and all of the notifications when my oldest daughter's school started emailing for everything and anything and it was just too much, so I turned off Gmail notifications and checked my email when I actually had the time to do so.

Ah, bliss.

But in the past few months, I am getting notifications for all sorts of other things and each ping feels like a jolt through my body. I am still trying to fully get my health on track after this summer and honestly, my nervous system is still on a bit of an overload. Each little rectangle popping up on my phone has my vacillating between anxiety and an "oh, what now??" kind of tandem.

This is not life, folks.

I do not always need to be "plugged in" nor do I want to.

My FOMO used to be fear of missing out on something important so anything that had a box to turn on notifications, I was like, yes! NOTIFY MEEEEEEEEE!

But that crazy train has now left the station, and I don't know if or when it is coming back.

Because I turned off all notifications. Off. Adios.

The only things coming through my phone are text messages and actual phone calls. I have two daughters attending two different schools during the day and I do need to be available for contact. But no more notifications about things that do not need my immediate attention. I don't need to know who "pinned my pin". Love you Pinterest, but no. Duolingo demanding that I resume my French lessons and going on and on about it. No. Please fly away and leave me alone. Merci.

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And now we come to Substack...

Yesterday I was taking my youngest daughter to school. We were in line with all the other kids and their parents, waiting for her teacher to come out of the classroom to come get them and my daughter was talking to me, telling about something going on at school. All of a sudden, the pinging and the dinging started, and it sounded like my phone had lost its mind. I ignored it and focused on my daughter but at the same time I am thinking, what the heck is going on?

After I dropped her off, I looked at my phone wondering what the notification fuss was all about...

All of them were notifications from Substack including one specific notification that someone had posted a Note. That's all it said. "So and so has posted a Note!" Now this person always posts Notes so I was kind of confused as to why I was being notified. I was also confused because I hadn't ever received a notification about someone posting a Note, so I went on the Substack app, wondering what it was about this one particular Note that it warranted a notification with bells and whistles.

I clicked on said person's Note.

The Note was simply a restack of a fellow writer's post. That was it. A restacked post. I sat there for a minute and I thought, this is where it ends.

Don't get me wrong. I really and truly enjoy Substack and the community here and the comradery 🥰. It is not Substack's fault that I am technologically overwhelmed. They are one of many apps, apps whose whole purpose is to keep you notified and to get you to click. The app is doing what it is designed to do. That is part of its function.

And I am a human with a central nervous system that is overwhelmed, and I simply can't be notified just to be notified anymore.

As I stated previously, I have turned off all notifications and that includes Substack. I still have the app on my phone, but the difference is, I go into the app when I want to go on there, not when I am being notified that I should go on there.

Guys, it's been a little over 24 hours since getting rid of all notifications and it is so quiet. I now have JOMO, the "joy of missing out", and I feel better. This was a good boundary to put in place. I need the slowness, I need the stillness. I still use my phone obviously, but it is on my terms. Compulsory checking of my phone was driving me a bit mad. One doesn't always need to know what is going on 24/7. We need breathing room and to know that it is okay not to know something right away.

I am curious, how do handle notifications?